


today of all days

by normalfault



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, OCD, Panic Attacks, Sakusa Kiyoomi-centric, Self Harm, TW: Suicide Mention, mental health, please read tags lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:14:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27377815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/normalfault/pseuds/normalfault
Summary: “I told her, my hands felt wrong.”“Wrong how?” The doctor presses, jotting that down.“Dirty. I wanted them to be clean. I tried using water, and they were still dirty.” Sakusa clears his throat, “I know it was a bad thing to do, can I go home?”---Sakusa spends a lifetime being misdiagnosed and a lifetime healing from it
Relationships: Komori Motoya & Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 101
Kudos: 727





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> please read the tags! tw: suicide ideation, ocd, intrusive thoughts etc
> 
> this is heavily based on my own experiences with ocd and getting misdiagnosed and i dump that on sakusa
> 
> this will have a happy ending! endgame sakuatsu etc
> 
> title based off 'Achilles Come Down' by Gang of Youths

His hands had always caused him trouble, Sakusa knows this, and he knows it well. Of course, they hyperextend in an almost morbid kind of way. They are knobby and stretchy and body parts should not be, but that had never bothered him. The way they looked, that is, that part didn’t cause him any harm. 

But his hands did - they drove him crazy. The skin crawled and tingled, ached; he wanted to peel it off slowly and carefully. They touched things, hands always were the easiest way to contact the outside world. He thinks about that when he clenches and unclenches his fingers, wrapped in bandages in the hospital, the mask covering his nose and mouth, he hates the hospital, but it is his own fault he’s here. “So, can you tell us why you uh…” The nurse trails off, gesturing towards his arms and smiling pitifully. His mother left the room, crying about how she failed or something along those lines. Sakusa couldn’t bring himself to feel anything about her yet. 

_Hands dirty, hands dirty, hands dirty, hands dirty-_ “I don’t know,” He says coldly. “They felt wrong.” _Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty-_

“On a scale of 1-10, can you rank your depression right now?” The nurse notes something, interrupting the tirade in his head. 

“I’m not depressed,” He answers. “Or suicidal.” Sakusa bites the inside of his lip and looks down at the floor, craving the break hurting himself gave his head. He was uncomfortable, painfully aware of all the ways his body was touching the chair he was sat down on. It burned. 

“Alright,” She writes something else on the clipboard, and Sakusa watches her bring her wrist up to rub at her nose. He flinches, eye twitching slightly. “Can you tell me what you are feeling then?”

“Annoyed,” He says. “I want to go home.” The nurse pities him, that much he can tell, but she is relieved in favor of a male doctor, one who sighs and looks him up and down, unamused. 

“So,” He starts. “You’re being difficult.” Sakusa does not answer. He does not plan on it. “Listen, Kiyoomi, I’m going to tell you what’s going on, honestly.” He clears his throat, and picks up his own clipboard: “You came home from school, according to your mother, filled a tub up with bleach and dipped both your hands in. You have chemical burns up to your forearms. You showed your mother, she drove you here. They treated your burns, and now you think that because they’re wrapped up, you can go home.” Kiyoomi scowls. “Kiyoomi?”

“That is accurate,” He doesn’t _want_ to talk about this. He knows it was wrong. He’s sorry - he doesn’t want to be like this, it’s painful and makes him do irrational things and he _hates it, hates it, hates it, hates it-_ “I told her, my hands felt wrong.” 

“Wrong how?” The doctor presses, jotting that down. 

“Dirty. I wanted them to be clean. I tried using water, and they were still dirty.” Sakusa clears his throat, “I know it was a bad thing to do, can I go home?” 

So they put him on medication, and his mother cries, and his father calls the school. It’s very hush-hush. They didn’t listen to him though - they put him on antidepressants, and he wasn’t depressed. _Something is wrong with me,_ his brain says over and over and over and over, but he doesn’t want to die and he’s not sad. He tells his volleyball team that his mother spilled coffee on him, and they believe him. His visit to the hospital is officially listed as a failed suicide attempt, despite Kiyoomi saying that was not what it was. 

He wants to do it again - but he _doesn’t_ . He has no idea what he wants to do. His head repeats _again, again, again, again_ whenever he sees the bleach, among other things. He ignores it because he is above the voice in his brain, and he is above going to the hospital for a shitty handwashing attempt. 

\---

Komori doesn’t say anything, but he knows there is something wrong with him. Sakusa convinces himself this is true, as he carefully scrubs under his nails, wearing two masks today. It’s what he calls a scary day - where his body is a livewire and the slightest touch makes him feel the familiar loss of control, breaking down into shortened breaths and _scratching, scratching, scratching, scratching_. “Kiyoomi,” Komori corners him in the locker room. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?” 

“Yes,” Sakusa says quickly. “Of course.”

“Are you going to the training camp, then? The big one? In Tokyo?” Komori senses his frustration. Sakusa wants to say no right away, but he holds back. He loves volleyball, it clears his head like nothing else really quite does. It makes him feel solid, real, and he really doesn’t mind playing more - but _communal showers, and other people, and new places that he can’t control._

“I don’t know,” Sakusa clears his throat. “I want to...but…”

“I’ll go if you go,” Komori’s eyes search him over, and something inside of Sakusa almost breaks. Can he see that he’s so intrinsically _wrong_? 

“...alright,” Sakusa agrees hesitantly. “Alright. Fine.” Komori cheers and Sakusa turns the water in the sink off, staring at the soap longingly. He’d be back.

\---

Atsumu Miya makes him want to kill a man. “Hey, Omi-Omi?” If only his twin had hyper fixated on Kiyoomi instead. It didn’t help that Komori thought it was _funny_. “C’mon and hit for me! Please!”

“No,” Sakusa says again. “And that’s not my name.” 

“Omi,” Atsumu whines. He almost hangs off Kiyoomi’s shoulder, out of what is probably a habit - Atsumu seems to be touchy with everyone else. However, when he tried to playfully shove Sakusa and he flinched, Atsumu seemed to get the hint. Surprisingly enough, Atsumu was very attentive to Sakusa’s issues. He washed his hands before they practiced together, he wiped down where Kiyoomi sat at lunch before he sat down. He was an enigma, truly. 

“Fine,” Kiyoomi hisses. “Fine. Did you wash your hands?”

“Anything for you!” Atsumu cheers, bounding over to the court with a grin. Sakusa doesn’t understand why he’s entertaining this. He thinks he...he might actually _like_ Atsumu - as a friend. The thought makes him shudder. 

\---

“It’s been a full week since we last met,” The therapist tells him. Kiyoomi hums in agreement. “How was training camp?”

“Fine,” Kiyoomi says bluntly. He bites the inside of his lip and resists the urge to use the hand sanitizer on the table (again, he reminds himself, you already used it twice). “I don’t...I don’t think the medication is working.” This is rare, him offering any information on his own volition. 

“Oh? Can you explain more to me, Kiyoomi?” She’s never been anything but kind to him, and he has no reason to think she’d tell his parents he requested a switch. His mother, as controlling as she was, spent hours researching the best pills for depression and insisted he be put on them. Nothing changed, but he was tired all the time. He woke up groggy, and his brain was fuzzy at night time. His mind still repeated the same terrifying thoughts over and over again. 

“I’m tired,” Kiyoomi tells her. “And nothing is changing.”

“Well, these things take time,” She writes something, anyway. “How are the panic attacks?”

“I don’t...they’re not like normal ones,” Kiyoomi clears his throat. He can’t believe he’s talking this much, but he’s so scared of himself. He thinks he’ll do it again, go to the hospital. And he’s scared of the hospital. “I just...sit there. And I can’t move.”

She hums, writing another note before closing her book and smiling tightly at him. When he leaves the room and his mother enters, she’s already crying. Great. Perfect. Kiyoomi picks at a mark on his wrist. He wills himself not to run. _Jump out the window, jump out the window, jump out-_ “Let’s go, Kiyoomi, dear,” His mother wipes at her eyes, smiling weakly. She loves him, and she is trying so hard to support him, but he can’t do this much longer. _Am I suicidal? Do I want to die? Am I dying right now?_ He gets in the car, pumping hand sanitizer into his hands and methodically spreading it. “She wants to add an anti-anxiety pill, did you tell her you were anxious?” She asks him. Kiyoomi waits a second, but nods. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“...I’m trying,” Kiyoomi whispers. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, Kiyoomi,” his mother sighs. “I just want you to get better.” He wrings his hands, blinks back tears. “I know you’re trying your best. We’ll put you on something, alright?”

“Alright,” Kiyoomi agrees, scrolling through his phone. “Thank you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for this chapter: intrusive thoughts, the word suicide, discussions on mental health, panic attacks

The next training camp is bad. So bad, that Kiyoomi peels back the skin on his wrists and has to bandage them up so that he can keep playing. Komori shoots him a pitiful glance - they would have to talk about this later, Kiyoomi can tell. “Hey, Omi?” But first, Sakusa had to deal with Atsumu and his curious looks. 

“What.” He deadpans, scowling. Why isn’t Atsumu leaving him alone? Normally, when he’s enough of an asshole, people leave him be. Atsumu was stubborn, though. Despite the deadpan of his voice, and the obvious annoyance in his face, that boy’s bad dye job repeatedly showed up in his view. 

“Oh! My mom, she’s a nurse, she gave me this stuff...it’s a lotion? She says, it works really well after you wash your hands a lot!” Atsumu clears his throat and hands him a bottle. Sakusa doesn’t know how to react to it, but his chest does something really weird - it tingles, and his pulse quickens, and he feels...light?  _ Am I dying? Are those palpitations? He deserves better, better, better, better-  _ “Sakusa?”

“...thank you,” Sakusa finally says. “That was...nice.”

“I  _ knew _ you could compliment me, if ya tried hard enough!” Sakusa scowls at that, rolling his eyes and willing himself not to blush. He takes the lotion, noticing that Atsumu is careful to not brush their hands together, and he does not miss when his stupid face lights up. Sakusa hopes to God there is an alternative method, Atsumu was kidding, it was a joke, all one of his stupid games.

And Sakusa thinks about the moment a lot, for the next few hours. He memorized the way Atsumu’s voice turned slightly up when he started talking about his mom, the way Atsmu’s eyes focused really hard on the bottle, reading off the information on it, and the way his smile went from its usual wide, teasing lilt to something genuine, and kind. It  _ hurts _ . He thinks he’ll explode for a minute - he’s just thrown by someone who was so…good? Better than Sakusa, for sure. Immediately, he knows Atsumu needs to leave him alone. He wasn’t good for anyone, a curse, a menace. 

“Omi-” Atsumu starts to say. 

“I need to go,” Sakusa chokes out. He stands up, pushing his chair back and stalking off to the bathroom. Komori notices, out of the corner of his eye, and Sakusa shoves himself into a bathroom stall, locks the door, and sinks to the floor.  _ Dirty, dirty, cut the skin off, dirty, bleach, bleach, bleach _ \- 

“Kiyoomi?” Komori asks softly. “Are you ok? I can ask Atsumu to stop messing with you...let me in, alright?” 

“I can’t-” Kiyoomi tells him, voice cracking. “I can’t  _ breathe _ .” 

“I’m crawling under the stall door,” Komori tells him confidently.  _ Oh god, the germs, the floor, when was it cleaned? You’re ruining Komori’s life. You should die. Useless. Useless. The floor- _ His head wouldn’t shut up, and so he hits it against the wall over and over and over and over- “Hey, c’mon,  _ stop that _ , Kiyoomi!” Komori grabs his cheeks, and squeezes them together, forcing Kiyoomi to look him in the eyes and focus all his energy on the fact that Komori was touching him. “See? Look at me, you’re fine. We gotta breathe, though.” Sakusa takes a shaky breath in and a shaky breath out. The touch on his face centers him, and he can breathe again. “Good!” 

And just like that, Komori becomes one of the people he can lean on. Of course, him and his cousin had always been close - they grew up together. When they went to the same high school and played the same sport, that was solidified even more. “Please don’t tell.” Sakusa finally decides to say. His mother was so happy that he seemed to be doing better, and he couldn’t do this to her. He couldn’t.

“Kiyoomi, you’re not serious?” Komori frowns at him, sitting down and staring at the cold tiles. Komori was kind, and he cared openly about the things that were important to him. “Tell me what’s going on. And be honest, jerkbag.” Sakusa hesitates, but when he starts, he can’t stop. He admits that he went to the hospital because he tried to wash his hands with bleach. He admits that his brain told him to do awful things all the time, and he admits that his mother and father would not listen. Komori takes it in with a neutral kind of look, lips static but his eyes are filled with some kind of anger. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? Don’t be ridiculous,” Kiyoomi clears his throat. “There’s something wrong with  _ me _ . I’m the one who should be apologizing for making you…” He trails off and gestures towards their position on the floor. Komori doesn’t answer, but he looks like he wants to say something, like it’s eating at him. He bites his lip, choosing instead to stand up. Sakusa wonders what he’s considering to say, he wonders if it was good. 

“You’re too kind to be going through this alone,” Komori decides on, watching as Kiyoomi goes to the sink and methodically suds up. “What does your mom say?”

“She says I’m just depressed, but I’m not,” Kiyoomi responds, trying so hard to tear his hands away from the hot water. “I’m...I don’t  _ want _ to-” he stops half way, frustrated because he just...doesn’t know what to say. He has no idea how to put any of this into words.  _ I don’t want to die. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to live anymore. I need help, help, help, help.  _ He shudders a breath in. 

“It’s ok,” Komori sighs, running a hand through his hair and smiling. “I believe you. We’ll figure it out, ok? But you have to tell me when things happen. I want to help you.”

_ He doesn’t. He’s just saying that. You’re an idiot.  _ “Ok,” Kiyoomi agrees. “Alright. I’m sorry.”

“Do you want me to get Atsumu to stop bothering you?” Komori asks, staring down at Kiyoomi’s hands until they are pulled from the water and dried off. 

“...no, he’s harmless,” Sakusa manages to say. He doesn’t want to think about what  _ that  _ could mean. Komori smirks and Sakusa scowls at him, trying to keep his blush at bay. 

“Oh?” He grins, snickering and raising an eyebrow. 

“It’s...it doesn’t mean anything!” Sakusa insists, pushing out of the bathroom. “Shut  _ up _ , Komori!” 

\---

The next time he ends up in the hospital, Atsumu Miya is there too. This time, his parents cannot convince the doctor’s to let him go. This time, his mother and father speak in hushed tones to the doctor. Kiyoomi comes in and out of the world he’s in like a broken street lamp, eyes barely open and brain barely working except for the calm that comes after listening to what it asks him to do. 

This time, he scrubs at his thighs with an iron sponge. It bleeds and he keeps going anyways, watching with a morbid fascination as the skin goes down and only stopping when his mother screams. He lost a good amount of blood. It makes him drowsy, so he floats by for a while. For the first time in ages, he feels clean. The doctor asks him questions without his parents there, and he answers honestly. 

“Why did you try to kill yourself?” he asks. 

“I didn’t. The skin was dirty.” Kiyoomi says easily, the nurse frowns as she wraps them up with gauze, he thinks they look like tree trunks. 

“...dirty?” The doctor notes something down. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I’m wondering if...if the seat I’m sitting on has been cleaned. I feel better, because I cleaned my legs, but I want to clean my whole body off,” Sakusa trails off. He’s dizzy, he vaguely remembers being given something to calm him down when he arrived in the form of an injection - high on some kind of pain med probably. 

“With the iron sponge?” The doctor hums, taps twice on his clipboard, and stands up.

“With anything,” Kiyoomi mutters. “Can I go home?”

“I’m afraid not,” He flags down another nurse, “You’ll be staying overnight, but there’s a boy who just checked in around your age in the psychiatric ward, so you’ll have company.” 

“...the psychiatric ward?” Sakusa is way too out of it to be hearing this kind of news. “Oh…” He clears his throat, wonders idly if he has developed throat cancer. His brain dismisses it, too tired to focus on the thought and blow it out of proportion. They put a bracelet against Sakusa’s skin and it has his name and age and address and his father holds his mother as she bawls. While the nurse leads him to the ward, his parents speak with the doctor angrily. 

“He doesn’t  _ have _ anything like that,” His father asserts. “You’re crazy. Can I speak to someone higher up?” 

“Sir, they’ll diagnose him better overnight, but you cannot ignore what he’s saying-” Sakusa is brought away from the conversation, and he’s grateful. It feels like the world is happening around him and he’s just in the middle, swimming through some kind of too-thick liquid. 

“You’re parents can bring an overnight bag later, alright?” The nurse is really nice this time, she smells like lavender and rose water and antiseptic. He appreciates how she avoids touching him, guiding him through what must be the hallways leading to the area he’ll be staying in. When he enters the check-in, he hallucinates Atsumu Miya on the chairs on his phone. Except the hallucination won’t go away. 

“Am I supposed to be hallucinating?” He asks the nurse, voice feeling foreign in his mouth. He brings his hand up to his jaw to make sure there’s nothing in there. 

“...no dear. What are you seeing?” She asks cautiously. He points to Atsumu, who turns around to stare at him, mouth ajar. 

“Omi?” He chokes out, Atsumu stands up quickly. “Uh! I’m not...I’m not a patient! Osamu is visiting Suna and I’m just here! Ya know? For support?” Sakusa narrows his eyes at him, but less to glare and more to try and focus his gaze. 

“What are you even saying?” Sakusa asks him, sounding less irritated and more confused. 

“...are ya high? Oh god, I’m so sorry! Jeez, your  _ legs _ Omi!” Atsumu follows him to the front desk, and watches the nurse take his vitals. “I mean...I figured you had something...ya know...cuz the hand washing! But, you can always talk to me, alright? I’ll come visit ya! All the time, when ‘Samu comes by!”

“...I left your lotion at home,” Sakusa says, finally coming up with something to say. “Sorry.”

“Wow, ya really are out of it, huh?” Atsumu smiles encouragingly. “I’ll bring you more! I’ll talk to you soon, ok Omi?”

“Ok,” Sakusa does not currently see the issue with that statement (although, later he’ll curse himself out for agreeing to this, whatever it was). This was so embarrassing, how placated he was when he was...when he was basically  _ drugged. _ “Tomorrow?” 

“Aw...you  _ do _ wanna see me! That’s adorable, Omi-Omi!” Atsumu grins bigger and Sakusa feels the need to pinch his cheeks together before the nurse tugs him towards the entrance of the facility. 

“Poor thing, I think your meds have really kicked in. We’ll take you back and you can rest it off, your friend will be back soon!” She hushes him when he makes a noise of complaint. 

“See ya tomorrow!” Atsumu laughs. He doesn’t remember much after collapsing on a single cot and closing his eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> helloooo as per usual, i love comments and kudos! thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual tws but this time there is an explained manic episode and suicide attempt, please be wary

Sakusa wakes up in a very unfamiliar place with a headache and a burning sensation in his inner thighs. He looks around, catching eyes with Suna, from Inarizaki, and leaning his head back into a pillow. Wait. 

“Wait,” Sakusa says out loud, bolting upright. He winces, grabbing at his temples and then stares at Suna, who is uninterested. “What-”

“Welcome,” Suna deadpans. “I’m sorry to say this, but while you were high, you agreed to see Atsumu Miya again.” 

“I agreed to...hold on-” Sakusa trails off, staring around the room. “That was  _ real _ ?” He’s going to freak out. Oh god, he was in the  _ psych ward _ . He...his thighs, he looks down at his body to see carefully wrapped bandages around them, eyes widening comically. “My mask-”

“They’re definitely not gonna let you have that,” Suna offers. “You can ask though.” Sakusa is quiet for a bit, trying to regulate his breathing. This was  _ fine _ . He was just...maybe he needed the help.  _ Useless, useless, useless, useless, check the bed for bed bugs, check the bed for bed bugs, bed bugs, bed bugs- _ Sakusa stands up, grimacing again at his legs and then kneels on the ground. He starts methodically checking the folds of the mattress for bed bugs (like he does in his own room whenever he thinks of it). “What’re you doing?”

“Checking,” Sakusa explains bluntly. He’s not in a good mood, waking up in a hospital does that to you. Suna stares at him, long and hard. His gaze is kind of intense, and Sakusa almost thinks to ask why he’s here. It’s pretty obvious Sakusa is losing it, but Suna seems in control. His roommate walks over to where he is and cocks his head to the side, trying to see what Sakusa is even looking at. 

“I’ve been sleeping here for a few nights and I have yet to contract any sort of rash or disease,” Suna tells him, eyebrows raised. “So, you’re probably ok.”

“...I appreciate the information, but I need to-” He gestures vaguely towards the room.  _ The blankets have worms, the pillow has lice, worms, lice _ \- 

“Right,” Suna agrees. “Are you wondering why I’m here?” Sakusa doesn’t answer, shaking out the blanket and then moving to the pillow. Suna must take that as a yes, sitting down on the floor in the middle of the room. “Not that I have to ask you, I guess your  _ thing _ is a bit more visible.” 

“There is no 'thing',” Sakusa corrects. “I just like it when things are clean.” Suna ignores that. 

“I’m bored, Sakusa. I am going to talk to you. And it’s going to be about mental health because both of us are in a psychiatric ward.” Suna does not offer any other options. Kiyoomi scowls, but he doesn’t deny the information Suna has given him. “Anyways, if you  _ are _ curious, I was having a manic episode and told Osamu that I was going to jump off a building because I could survive. It turns out that I probably couldn’t and he called the police.” Sakusa hummed an understanding. He imagines Komori would do something similar. “So I’m on the roof of my mom’s apartment complex, walking all over the edge like I’m  _ drunk _ or something, and then the police are there trying to talk me away. I was pretty freaked out, but I was manic so it felt like I could do anything.” Sakusa puts the pillow down and moves towards their shared bathroom to check the shower for mold and mildew. “I didn’t jump, but I was trespassing so I either had to go to court or come here for a week. So here I am.”

Sakusa doesn’t say anything, in all honesty, he doesn’t really know what to say. He pauses thoughtfully, imagining what Komori would say. “Thank you for sharing,” He decides. 

“That was lame, Sakusa. Tell me how you got here.” Suna stares at him expectedly, crossing his arms, expression unchanging. His expression didn’t change much. The words his brain says are thankfully quiet. Sakusa doesn’t want to talk about it, not really. He feels the familiar anxiety bubble up under his throat as if he’s going to spill over. 

“I don’t-” He bites the inside of his lip, wondering idly what would happen if he threw a fit. He felt like a kid again, being watched over by babysitters with MDs. “I just...felt dirty. On my legs so-” He awkwardly gestures towards his bandages.  _ Freak, freak, freak, freak _ . 

“Did you cut them?” Suna asks. His voice indicates his question is genuine, not as much prying, and Sakusa takes a deep breath. He guesses they’re in this together, technically. 

“I tried to wash them with...do you know what an iron sponge is? Iron wool?” Sakusa clears his throat, trying to get that uncomfortable feeling to go away. 

“Oh, yikes,” Suna stares at the bandages thoughtfully. “I bet they’ll be hidden under your volleyball uniform still, though.”

“Hm,” Sakusa hadn’t thought about that. He stares at his legs thoughtfully. Having these conversations so freely with someone felt gratifying. “Yes, I think they just make it.” Suna walks back to his bed and sits down. 

“Pass your inspection?” Suna asks. 

“For now,” Sakusa answers honestly. Suna spends the rest of the hour explaining what happens to Sakusa, and Sakusa is pretty sure he doesn’t sugarcoat much. He seems painfully honest, and Kiyoomi appreciates that much more than someone trying to be nice. 

“Are you friends with Atsumu? I can ask Osamu to get him to leave you alone,” Suna eyes the door after a comfortable silence. “Osamu visits me a lot. Atsumu usually tags along. He’s sweet on the inside...I think, he just insists on being a little shit in between.”

“He’s fine,” Sakusa tries to not let his emotions leak through. “I don’t mind him.” Suna gives him a funny look. 

“Are you trying to do something? Because, as much as I want to kick Atsumu in the shins, I do care about him, and I’ll be pissed if you’re playing some kind of game with him,” Suna accuses, his scowl deepens. 

“I don’t think I know how to play any sort of games...like that,” Sakusa stares at his nail beds pointedly. “I don’t go out much.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense,” Suna trails off, nasty mood clearing up fairly soon. “Do you like him?”

“He’s fine,” Sakusa repeats. Suna’s expression shifts to some sort of teasing lilt and Sakusa wants to explode. “He’s still insufferable. It’s just-”

“He grows on you like a mold,” Suna interrupts. Sakusa flinches at that.  _ Check the bathroom for mold, mold, mold, mold.  _ Sakusa sighs. He’s tired, and he doesn’t want to go do this again but if he does then the thoughts and the fear will subside. “Oh, my bad. Is mold like...does it trigger your…” He follows Sakusa back to the bathroom. 

“Yes, I would appreciate you not bringing it up,” Sakusa mutters. He starts again, willing himself not to shed the frustration tears building up in his eyes.  _ Again, do it again, do it again, do it again _ . He remembers late nights, waiting for his parents to go to sleep so he could check his whole house for contaminants. On bad days, he stayed up well past 3 in the morning. 

“Understood,” Suna agrees easily. “Atsumu likes you too, though. He wouldn’t shut up about you after the first training camp and your freaky wrists. You entertained him long enough for Samu to call me, which is much appreciated.”

“If by entertained, you meant argued with, then yes, we’re great at that,” Sakusa sits back up, looking at the clock. “When do we have to leave for…”

“For group? We have like, five minutes, but we can leave now if you’d like to get used to it?” Suna struts towards the sleeping area, as if this wasn’t weird and they weren’t in a hospital for mandatory therapy. 

\---

“Does she cry like that every time?” Sakusa asks weakly, returning to their room at night time after a day of activity. 

“The nurse? Yeah, she’s obnoxious,” Suna tells him with a grin. “ _ I’m so sad you’re all here! You’re so young! _ Like, get over it.” Suna rolls his eyes, staring at his nails. A different nurse, not the one who bawled her eyes out, calls them both for visitors, and Suna’s face lights up. “I call the coloring room!” 

“What-” Sakusa starts, but Suna bounds out of the door as if reinvigorated. 

“Do you want to take your visitor, dear?” The nurse asks. He nods shyly, getting led to the room that he was in earlier with all the beanbags and stuffed animals. It was the individual therapy room, and he waits on the cold, plastic chair, scowling into space. 

“Omi!” Atsumu was so  _ loud _ all the time. It was a welcome distraction to the normal voices people had here. Atsumu sounded excited to see him (which was weird, in all sorts of ways). “I thought ya weren’t gonna let me in, which would be embarrassing, by the way!”

“I did let you in,” Sakusa corrects. “So it shouldn’t be an issue.”

“But what if you  _ didn’t _ .” Atsumu points out, plopping down onto a bean bag chair. 

“I did,” Sakusa scowls. “We’re talking right now.”

“But what if you-” Atsumu begins to start, pulling out a volleyball out of his backpack. 

“Atsumu, I swear to God-” Sakusa stops, staring at him quizzically. “How did you even get that in here?”

“I asked,” he cocks his head to the side. “Do you wanna toss it around?” 

“Did you clean it?” Sakusa asks immediately, blinking at the ball with an excitement he hasn’t felt in ages. Atsumu waits to answer, staring up at him with a weird kinda look. “Miya?”

“Uh...yeah! I wiped it off before I brought it inside, but-” Atsumu fishes around the bag he brought. “I brought more wipes! For you to do it again if you want. I was gonna bring another bag in, but they said you weren’t really supposed to do that anymore.” Atsumu frowned. “Which, I mean, it doesn’t hurt anyone. It didn’t bother me.”

“Thank you,” Sakusa says. It seemed Atsumu was hell-bent on being so nice to him, it hurt. “Genuinely. I uh…” He makes grabby-hands at it, and the gesture makes Atsumu make a little snort, which makes Sakusa wish he had his dumb mask so he would stop  _ blushing _ . “Stop laughing.”

“You do make expressions! Who would’ve thought?” Atsumu teases him, hitting the ball at him. “No lazy passing Omi-Omi.”

“I can’t move around much, I could open up the…” He gestures vaguely at his legs. 

“Are you  _ insulting _ my  _ setting _ ?!” Atsumu glares at him, crossing his arms. “I’ll get the ball in the right spot” 

“How was that insulting at all,” Sakusa grumbles. “I’m just reminding you, in case your pea brain forgot.”

“Did you actually smuggle a volleyball in here?” Osamu peaks inside. “We’re coming in,” Sakusa grunted, eyes going to the ground. He didn’t feel as safe with Osamu yet. 

“You’re ruining my visitor time, Samu,” Atsumu hisses. “Get out!” 

“I wanna be in here!” Osamu grins, tackling his brother into the bean bag. “I’m freeing Sakusa from your shitty hair.”

“Omi  _ likes _ my hair!” Sakusa groans, staring at Suna who rolls his eyes. “We do have to get going though Omi-Omi. I know you’ll miss me! If you’re good, they increase your visitor time! Do you want me to do anything for ya for next time?” Atsumu pauses pinning Osamu to the ground. 

“Uh...could you just let Komori know where I am? I’m not sure if my parents told him, and I don’t want him worrying.” Sakusa blinks at the quick look of distaste on Atsumu’s face, but he nods. 

“Anything for you, Omi!” Atsumu grins. “See you soon!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i would die for atsumu and I know that its kind of ooc but idc. also! not canon compliant (obviously) lmk what you think! i love kudos and comments


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay in updating! got hit with some writer's block with this, but I'm back and better than ever! need my fix of these dummies hehe

True to his word, Atsumu came back the next day. And the next. It’s on a Friday when Atsumu brings up Komori again. “Omi-Omi, he’s your  _ cousin _ ?!” Sakusa winces at the volume, glaring at him and setting the ball back to Atsumu gently. 

“Yes? Why, is that a problem?” Sakusa asks, voice darker than it normally was. 

“No! Opposite of a problem! It’s great, Omi!” Atsumu clears his throat, blush overtaking his cheeks. “I told him where you were, but he thought I was messing with him so it took him a while to answer. Anyways, he said he’d come by soon. How’s your legs healing up?” The week in the hospital had done him good so far. The nurses applied antiseptic and antibacterial ointment to them nightly while they figured out his medication dosage. He looked down at them, eyebrows knit together. 

“I think they’re a lot better. Thank you for asking,” Sakusa says. When he looks up, Atsumu isn’t paying attention to the volleyball, and it hits the ground. “...did I say something?:

“Nope,” Atsumu quickly interrupts. “You’re just...really cool! Super cool. Is it hot in here?” Sakusa shrugs, avoiding the urge to press further. “Oh! I brought you another present, Omi!” He fishes through his backpack and pulls out the lotion that he had got him before. “I wasn’t sure if you had yours with you! I wanted to make sure your hands didn’t crack!” Atsumu thrusts it at Sakusa, ignoring his protests. “It’s no big deal. My mom gets them for free from the hospital!” Sakusa hums in thanks. 

“Why are you so nice to me?” He asks suddenly, looking up at Atsumu with a genuine look of curiosity. He doesn’t mean to come off as blunt, but in therapy, he had been working on expressing his concerns rather than just keeping them to himself. 

“Cuz we’re friends!” Atsumu answers easily. Sakusa hums thoughtfully, unsure how to proceed with that information. Maybe he should bring it up at group or something. “I’m not bothering you, am I?”

“Not more than usual,” Sakusa smiles at Atsumu’s offended look. He knows there’s no bite behind it though. Suna had told him that Atsumu didn’t have a lot of friends outside of who Osamu hung out with. He was intense, he liked who he liked and didn’t try to branch out much. Sakusa didn’t find anything wrong with that. If anything, that seemed to be one of the things him and Atsumu had in common. “I feel bad that I haven’t gotten you anything,” Sakusa admits, yawning loudly. Since he had started a new medication, he was tired a lot more frequently. 

“Well, unless you’ve figured out a way to break out, I don’t see how you could do that,” Atsumu snorts, “Don’t worry about it Omi! You’ll just have to pay attention to me extra when you leave.” Kiyoomi sighs, but he doesn’t deny that. “What have the doctors got you up to?” 

“We’ve been doing exposure therapy,” Sakusa grimaces. It hasn’t been pleasant. He had succumbed to many panic attacks trying to figure out that he was fine, there was no reason to be afraid. “I watch movies with scenes that are considered filthy to show me that my germaphobia is illogical. It’s annoying. I know it’s illogical, I just can’t-” Kiyoomi gestures vaguely into the open air.

“Well, you go into the locker room during volleyball, right?” Atsumu offers, he sets to himself repeatedly on the beanbag chair. “Those are pretty nasty, Omi-Omi.”

“That’s because I get to play volleyball after,” Kiyoomi argues, scowling. “You get to do that all the time, I want to toss.”

“Hmm,” Atsumu grins at him, and Sakusa can tell this is going to annoy him. “I’ll set to you as much as you want when you get out of here! That way, you have motivation to try in your therapy!” 

“I already had motivation, Miya!” Sakusa insists, but Atsumu’s tosses were particularly good. “And you would’ve done that anyway!” 

“Nuh-uh,” Atsumu laughs loudly, it’s a nice sound. It makes Sakusa breathless, not in a hyperventilating way, in a nice way. His insides feel warm. “Maybe I would’ve said no.”

“You don’t say no to volleyball,” Sakusa rolls his eyes, crossing his arms and sitting back on his plastic chair. “Give me the ball!”

“Come and get it!” Atsumu smirks, as Kiyoomi lunges at him. They roll around for a while, but Sakusa is out of shape and on anti-anxiety medication while Atsumu has been working out this whole time. Predictably, Atsumu winds up victorious, ending up on top of him. “Ha!”

“If I was in practice,” Sakusa argues. “I would’ve easily beat you.” He doesn’t think about the germs on the floor. He doesn’t have the urge to wash his whole body for hours. 

“Excuses, excuses,” Atsumu giggles, smiling down at Kiyoomi. Suddenly, he rolls off of him. “I think you’ll be out of here in no time.”

\---

Sakusa does get discharged eventually, although he has to spend a day without Suna in his room. It’s fine, uneventful. His parents pick him up, he gets his things back and a prescription and a diagnosis. The drive back is silent - Kiyoomi resists the urge to blurt out an apology. 

**Atsumu:** Did ya get out today?! 

His phone buzzes, and he checks the notification with a slightly upturned smile. 

**Sakusa:** Yes

**Atsumu:** o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

**Sakusa:** How old are you?

**Atsumu:** ((´д｀))

Sakusa resists the urge to laugh, rolling his eyes. “Kiyoomi,” his father starts to say. Sakusa whips his head up, “We are...sorry for not listening to you.”

“It’s ok,” Sakusa says instantly. “I’m sorry for causing trouble.” He had gone over this with his therapist at the ward. She had patiently listened to his feelings of guilt, his frustration at his parents' refusal to acknowledge his issues. His mother cries (again), but Kiyoomi feels like he can breathe. 

\---

Him and Atsumu talk often, too often to be casual but not often enough to be certain in what it meant. Kiyoomi buried himself back into volleyball, reminding him how good it felt to hit the ball again. He missed it, truly. It took a long time to get back up to where he had been, but he managed to do it and get himself invited to the Tokyo Youth Camp again. 

**Atsumu:** Omi  o( ❛ᴗ❛ )o

**Sakusa:** what

**Atsumu:** Tomorrow is the camp!! Are you excited!!! I bet you’ve been going through Atsumu withdrawals 

**Sakusa:** I have hives at the thought 

**Atsumu:** MEAN omi-kun </3 (╥_╥)

He was excited, begrudgingly. Maybe he did miss Atsumu. Maybe he did want to hit his stupid sets. Komori did not get invited with him, which made him upset, but Komori seemed oddly relieved. “No offense, Kiyoomi, but I don’t want to third wheel you and Atsumu Miya.” 

“What?! You wouldn’t be-” Sakusa sputtered, face heating up. Komori had brought him to the train station. “That’s not funny.” 

“I wasn’t kidding. You guys are all over each other, well, as much as you can be all over anyone, and he’s obsessed with you,” Komori rolls his eyes. “Don’t freak out. It’s cute.” 

“It’s not- _ Komori _ -” Sakusa chokes out, pulling his mask up and entering the train. “This isn’t over.”

“Yeah, yeah,” He rolled his eyes. “Have fun! Text me if you need me!” Kiyoomi scowled, sitting down at a seat after wiping it down with Lysol. The train ride is uneventful, people tend to avoid Kiyoomi when they see his mask, afraid he was sick. When he gets to the train station, Atsumu is waiting for him. Osamu is nearby, scowling. 

“It’s not fair that Sakusa gets invited and Suna doesn’t,” Osamu mutters. Atsumu laughs loudly, bounding over to Sakusa quickly. “God, this is gonna  _ suck _ !” Sakusa doesn’t think much about the direct correlation, despite the fact that Suna and Osamu are dating, and he and Atsumu are  _ not _ . 

“Omi-Omi!” Atsumu cheers. “I missed ya! I made Samu wait with me for your train. Komori told me which one you were on. He also threatened to castrate me, but Sunarin does that every day, so it’s no big deal.” 

“He...what?” Sakusa grimaced, letting Atsumu flit around him. “I’m sorry he made you come along.” Sakusa aims his apology at Osamu, who he didn’t know very well, but he certainly didn’t mind him. Suna seemed to think Osamu was great, and he always came off pretty calm and collected. 

“It’s alright, he shouldn’t be alone in public places anyways,” Osamu shoots back, ignoring his brother’s protest. “Well, now that you finally have your whatever-the-fuck-Sakusa-is, can we go? If mom finds out we were late, I’m telling her it was your fault.” 

“We’re not gonna be late, don’t get your panties in a twist,” Atsumu sticks his tongue out, offering Kiyoomi a gloved hand. A glove...he put on disposable gloves, to hold Kiyoomi’s hand? That was...Kiyoomi was going to  _ die _ at how stupid-nice that was. Kiyoomi blushed, thrusting his hand out and taking Atsumu’s. It was warm, even with the glove on, and Sakusa felt way too safe for someone walking around a public transport facility. Osamu made a fake retching noise, but otherwise ignored them. “You  _ like _ me, Omi?”

“Shut up,” Kiyoomi supplies, turning away. “You’re going to get lost if I don’t hold onto you.” 

“Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night,” Atsumu laughed, squeezing his fingers gently and guiding them through the crowds. He talks endlessly, and it distracts Kiyoomi from the normal anxiety that came with much-too crowded places. “Do you think we’ll meet anyone interesting?” 

“Probably,” Kiyoomi mutters, walking through the streets quickly. Osamu leads their group, Atsumu holding onto Kiyoomi tightly as they weave past pedestrians. 

“You owe me like...a million extra hours of practice at this point,” Atsumu tells him, turning back to grin. “Samu will be grateful for the break.” 

“Damn right,” Osamu grunts. “You have no idea the favor you’re giving me, Sakusa. This fucker never stops begging for me to practice with him.”

“You  _ like _ practicing!” Atsumu snaps back. 

“I like sleeping too, but I don’t do it every hour of every day!” Osamu turns to scowl back at them. “Anyways, Tsumu never stops whining about you when you’re not here. ‘Oh Samu! Look at the text he sent me! Samu, do you think he’ll hug me if I spray myself with Lysol? Samu-”

“Shut  _ up _ ! I’ll tell mom you hook-up with Sunarin in the shed!” Atsumu’s face lights up, refusing to make eye contact with Sakusa, who is both confused and entertained. Osamu’s eyes narrow. 

  
“Can you fight when we get there?” Sakusa asks weakly. “People are staring.” 

“You made Omi-kun upset!” Atsumu yells indignantly. 

“You’re the one who-” Osamu starts to say. Sakusa shrinks at the attention of passersby, willing them to look at something else. He didn’t mind people looking at him, but this crowded of an area freaked him out. Who knows what diseases these people were carrying? If they stopped to stare, they had a better chance of giving him an airborne illness-

“Miya,” Sakusa tries to interrupt their bickering.

“I swear to  _ God _ , I’m going to pummel your ass into the pavement!” Osamu makes his way towards them and Atsumu lets go of Sakusa’s hand, which makes him panic more than anything else. 

“Atsumu,” Sakusa tries again. “ _ Atsumu _ !” Both of them stop to stare at him, who is looking intently at the ground. “Can we please get there? It’s just...the amount of people is making me nervous.” 

“Yes! Sorry, Omi-Omi!” Atsumu immediately turns his full attention to Sakusa worriedly. “I will protect you from them, do not worry. Samu will stop until we get there.”

“Yeah, sorry Sakusa,” Osamu grunts. “Forgot you’re not from the city.” That was a nice way to put it, he supposed. 

“It’s alright,” Sakusa clears his throat, he pokes a hesitant finger at Atsumu’s wrist. He wanted that hand back, even if it was terribly embarrassing. 

“What? Oh! Sorry, Omi-kun,” Atsumu interlaces their fingers again. “You like holding my hand!” 

“Shut up,” Sakusa says again, “Can we just go?” Atsumu seemed to forget the drama with his brother, lighting up again. He really did flip flop easily, now that Kiyoomi thought about it.

“Your knight in shining armor has you!” Atsumu declared, walking with a passion towards the facility. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! leave kudos and comments if you don't mind! I love them endlessly!
> 
> You can also find me on twitter @normalfault1


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends! just a reminder that atsumu miya's thighs 
> 
> tw: intrusive thoughts, as per usual please read tags!

The three of them separate, having to do introductions for all the new players that were invited. Sakusa always met such fascinating people at this camp, despite his best efforts not to socialize with whoever got invited. He was roommates with Hoshiumi, someone he had met before and found himself somewhat comfortable with. Hoshiumi sat with him at lunch, telling him about all the things he had been up to between the last time they saw each other. “What have you been doing Sakusa?” Hoshiumi asked, mouth spitting out crumbs. Saksua flinched but needed to force himself to respond. He is interrupted by a plop and the feeling of someone scooting next to him. 

“Omi doesn’t like it when you chew with your mouth open,” Atsumu tells Hoshiumi tightly. 

“Wish you’d close your mouth at home,” Osamu mutters, nibbling at his lunch. It must have been his second serving then, Kiyoomi remembered he ate a lot. Atsumu glares at his twin, and Sakusa smiles slightly. 

“I didn’t do much besides play volleyball,” Sakusa tells Hoshiumi, listening vaguely as the Miya’s begin arguing again. “I got sick for a bit, so I had to take a break.”

“Ah, that sucks! I hate getting sick!” Hoshiumi talks very loudly. He comes off as aggressive, but Sakusa has a feeling he’s just excitable. “Isn’t it crazy that Kageyama isn’t freaked out by my height? That kid is like...a robot or something!” Sakusa shrugs, taking another bite and poking Atsumu’s side to get him to stop yelling. Atsumu does stop, only to check on Sakusa for a second and then resume fighting once he decided he was ok. Sakusa sighs, he had hoped that would last longer. “We should invite him to have lunch with us!” Hoshiumi exclaims. 

“I didn’t invite  _ any _ of you to have lunch with me,” Kiyoomi mutters into his plate.  _ The food is dirty, it’ll get you sick. The food has worms in it, cut it open. You have to check _ . Sakusa sighed, pressing at his temples with a frustrated groan. He did though, cut open each piece of his meal and inspect it. Kageyama does sit with them, and Sakusa finds his quiet is a nice reprieve from the chaos of his current group (although he is concerningly lacking common sense). Atsumu looks at Kiyoomi’s plate, frowning when he notices he hasn’t eaten. 

“You ok, Omi-Omi?” Atsumu asks him, privately, quietly even. It’s a nice voice, Sakusa likes the way it’s only ever for him. Sakusa hums, pushing the food around on his plate. 

“Doesn’t feel right,” he answers honestly. Atsumu nods, furrowing his brow in thought. In all honesty, Sakusa had let himself get way too attached to him. Once Atsumu knew he was suffering from...well...what he was suffering from, it felt like Atsumu could know everything. They talked about a lot, everything from Kiyoomi’s constant obsessive internal monologue to Atsumu’s fear of getting lost behind his twin. They had dumb conversations (of course they did, Atsumu hardly liked to be serious for long). Sakusa remembers one specifically where Atsumu told him that he was going to quit volleyball and become a clown after a particularly bad practice. (‘You already are one’, Sakusa had texted back.)

“Want mine?” Atsumu offered. “It’s the newest batch of what they brought out. Plus, Samu got it with me and he’s super elitist about food.” Sakusa thought about it. The idea sounded good, but he couldn’t make Atsumu do that for him. “Too late, we’re switching.” Atsumu seemed to sense his hesitation, moving their platters and ignoring a weird look from Hoshiumi. 

\---

Kageyama was actually pretty nice, even Hoshiumi decided that. He told Sakusa late at night as Sakusa cleaned his space with wipes. “Hey Sakusa?” Hoshiumi asks. Sakusa hums his acknowledgment. “Do you have like...don’t be offended or whatever! I mean this in a neutral way, I just always sound mean.” He hesitates - Sakusa dreads what he could be thinking:  _ he thinks you’re a freak _ . “Do you have like...OCD? Germaphobia? My sister has OCD...but she's hyper-aware of her body or something. I heard you say that your food was wrong at lunch and she says that stuff too, plus the cleaning. I just thought-” 

“It’s ok,” Sakusa breathes out. “Yes, I have OCD. Sorry if it inconveniences you-” 

“What?! No way! I uh...do you want help cleaning?! I’m super good at everything I do, so I can do what you need!” Hoshiumi gives him a thumbs up. “We can make it a competition! I’ll clean better than you!” 

“What? No, we don’t have to do that. Hoshiumi, put down the Lysol-” Sakusa grabbed the bottle out of his hands. “You can wipe down your side! Stop taking my things!” Hoshiumi laughed, and Sakusa felt a weight get lifted off his chest. So Hoshiumi didn’t care. Komori had told him that people wouldn't care, but Sakusa had a hard time believing him. Everything always felt wrong with him. He had no idea what people would think about...all this, but he didn’t try very hard to hide it. It was hard for him to function otherwise. “Hoshiumi, it’s fine.” 

“Are you sure? It’s good now?” Hoshiumi was panting lightly, working himself up in his frenzy. Sakusa nodded, placing his futon down on the now clean floor next to Hoshiumi’s spot. His roommate cheered, settling down and burying into his comforter. “You’re really cool, Sakusa!” Hoshiumi told him with a grin. “Even if I’m better than you.”

\---

After that, Kiyoomi got on a lot better with Hoshiumi (“call me Hoshi!”). The only person who wasn’t elated with this was Atsumu, grumbling about how he was stealing Sakusa away from him. “We talk plenty,” Sakusa reminded Atsumu as they cleaned up a late night of extra-practice. “I would’ve roomed with you, but you have a twin here, Miya.” 

“Miya?! After all we’ve been through, you’re calling me...wait did you say you would’ve roomed with me?” Atsumu runs to catch up with Sakusa who was already walking away, mask pulled up to hide his blush. “Omi! What?! Really?!”

“What’re you so excited about?” Osamu grumbled as they entered their dorm. He was on the phone, Sakusa assumed he was talking to Suna. “Suna says hi, Sakusa.”

Sakusa waves in response. “Samu, why’d you get invited with me! Omi says he would’ve roomed with me if you weren’t here! It’s all your fault!” Atsumu hissed, throwing a pillow at his brother’s head. 

“Hey! Screw you! He can fucking have you, you’re a shitty roommate anyways!” Osamu retorted, getting up to start beating his brother with said object. He pauses and sighs. “Whatever, I’ll wait! Ok, I said  _ I’ll wait _ , Rin! Don’t hang up!” He glares at Atsumu, who sticks his tongue out at him. Osamu continues talking over the phone, laughing occasionally as Sakusa waits for Atsumu to shower and takes his own. 

The cleaning process for his communal showers is a pain, but ever since Atsumu found him doing it too-late at night, he insisted on helping. Sakusa hummed as he disinfected the handle to the shower and the shower head, watching Atsumu lean on the floor for him. “What’re you doing, Sakusa?” Hoshiumi popped his spiky head in, watching intently. “Oh! Need help?” Before Sakusa can answer, Atsumu scoffs. 

“I got it, short stuff,” Atsumu sneers. Sakusa doesn’t really feel like watching them bicker. His night time meds were kicking in, and he was tired all the way through his bones. 

“Sakusa didn’t answer me!” Hoshiumi fumes, glaring back. “What’re you  _ jealous _ ? We’re just friends! I’m not trying to steal your-”

“Atsu,” Sakusa murmurs. “I’m tired. Can you talk outside?” Atsumu’s attention turns to him immediately, nodding with an energetic smile. 

“‘Course Omi-Omi! Let’s talk outside, you overgrown seagull!” Hoshiumi starts to argue as Atsumu drags him away, and Sakusa is left to shower in peace. 

\---

Hoshiumi meets him in their dorm later, seemingly sated by whatever he and Atsumu talked about. “Sorry, Sakusa! I didn’t mean to overwhelm you.” 

“It’s ok,” Sakusa says, and he means it. He’s tired, eyes drooping against his pillow. “Do you get along now?” 

“Pfft, me and Atsumu got along fine,” Hoshiumi tells him. “Do you need anything before I shut off the lights?” 

“He means well,” Sakusa says, and Hoshiumi assumes that is a no, flipping the switch. “He just comes off strong.” 

“He sure likes you,” Hoshiumi responds with a snort, “But that’s alright. You’re pretty cool.” 

\---

Camp ends. He leaves with Hoshiumi’s number and a promise to keep in touch. Everyone says their goodbyes, and Sakusa is heading back to his regular home with his parents and his cat that his therapist recommended and  _ no Atsumu _ . Which shouldn’t be a problem. Except it  _ is _ . Before he leaves, when he and Atsumu are alone, he bites the inside of his lip and launches himself at Atsumu for a too-quick hug. Atsumu is shocked, his arms remain stiff before settling around Kiyoomi’s back. “Visit me or die,” Sakusa hisses. Atsumu laughs at that, too shocked to make a snide comment, and Kiyoomi gets on the train. 

**Atsumu:** did you get home alright Omi-Omi (^_−)☆

**Sakusa:** Yes, I got home 

**Sakusa:** Attachment: 1 Image 

**Atsumu:** YOUR CAT 

**Atsumu:** (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ ) ♡

**Atsumu:** How is my precious munchkin doing 

**Sakusa:** His name is  _ Marshmallow, _ Miya 

**Sakusa:** He is doing well

Sakusa puts his phone away with a smile on his face, wondering when he’ll get to see Atsumu next. Wait, what? Why was he wondering that? Sakusa frowns, face heating up at the thought of it. He wasn’t stupid. Yes, of course he likes Atsumu. Atsumu was nice to him and always looked out for him but didn’t treat him like a child. He listened when Sakusa said no and was patient enough to know he just needed time. But...but he  _ likes _ Atsumu, doesn’t he? 

“Mother,” He says at dinner. “I’m gay.” She pauses a second, and continues to eat her food with a small laugh. Sakusa is horrified - has she lost it? He remembers her crying over him doing something wrong at night time, when she thought he was asleep. He remembers her wishing he was better, different. 

“Honey, when you played that purple team the first time, you talked about their ace’s arms for at least two hours and brought them up daily. I was well aware.” Sakusa blushed at that, sputtering out an excuse and biting into his rice aggressively. “Is there a boy you like?” Ok, that went much better than he could’ve thought.

“No,” He says back quickly, too quickly. She smiles at him knowingly. 

“I know we haven’t been very good parents to you,” She says, stopping her hand short of his curls until he nodded in permission. He nods hesitantly, and she runs her fingers through them kindly. It reminds him of when he was younger - he and his mother used to be so close. “But we love you unconditionally, and we’re so happy that you’re doing well. My strong boy.” Sakusa blinks rapidly, trying to curve the tears threatening to pour out of the corners of his eyes. 

“Thanks, mother,” Sakusa chokes out. She laughs again, moving her hand back to her meal. 

“You should bring him over,” She says casually. 

“Bring who over?” Sakusa responds, standing up to wash his dishes and put them away. 

“The boy with the home-dyed hair? You’re always on the phone with him-” she laughs as Sakusa begins to shoot out responses. He’s bright red, scrubbing furiously at his plate. 

“ _ Mother! _ ” Sakusa yelps. “I...it’s not  _ like _ that! Mother, please-” 

“He seems funny, but most importantly, he adores you Kiyoomi. The way his eyes look when you can’t see…” She trails off, smiling remiscently. “Reminds me of your father back in the day!” 

“Please stop,” Kiyoomi begs, escaping to his room as she continues to giggle at his misery. 

**Atsumu:** omiiiii

**Atsumu:** omi omi omi omi omi 

**Atsumu:** we have our nationals qualifying match tomorrow, wish me luck? 

**Sakusa:** good luck, give your team my condolences 

**Atsumu:** o(TヘTo)

**Atsumu:** wish you could watch me play Omi, you’re my favorite cheerleader. Have you ever worn that uniform...hmmm

**Sakusa:** shut up Miya 

**Sakusa:** You do always put on a good show though, you’re fun to watch 

**Atsumu:** was that a compliment!!! I might faint 

**Atsumu:** I like watching you too Omi (￣ε￣＠)

Sakusa smiles as he puts his phone away, signing off with his usual goodnight and tucking himself into his bed. If he rushed to the station after school, he could manage to get to Hyogo before the game started, maybe a little after. 

**Sakusa:** come with me to hyogo tomorrow 

**Komori:** buy me food and it’s a deal 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed the update! this chapter is kinda sweet, isn't it? Hoshiumi feral rights also 
> 
> leave a comment and a kudos if you so desire, and follow me on twitter @normalfault1 if you want updates and random hcs hehe


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone! some more sweet content for you! this is a bit rushed, but I'm in a bit of a slump rn which is why I haven't updated anything else I've been writing. 
> 
> i do really love this fic though, and I hope you can enjoy it too

Sakusa, as a general rule, hated public transport with a passion. It was always filthy and uncontrollable. Komori held onto his arm throughout the station, dragging him through the crowds as Sakusa buried his head into his phone, hoping to miss everything that was happening around him. When they board, Sakusa and Komori pick an inoffensive seat near the back of the cart. Sakusa sprays it clean with his sanitizer, and Komori waits patiently for him to finish inspecting them before they both sit down. “All good, Kiyoomi?” He nods, taking a deep breath in and adjusting his mask.  _ Dirty, dirty, contaminated, you’re going to get sick _ \- “No, it’s not okay. Do you need to clean more?” 

“No,” Sakusa answers. He doesn’t, not really. There’s less of a compulsion, and more of an itch under his skin - the way his body warned him that something wasn’t right. “I just hate trains, and I’m tired.” 

“Do you want to see if you can fall asleep?” Komori frowns, looking at him with concern. Sakusa hums his response, looking out the window until his phone vibrates. It’s Atsumu, and he considers not answering in favor of thinking about all the diseases he probably caught just sitting here. He knows that he should text back though. ‘It’s not fair to you, just letting yourself be miserable. Distract yourself and cope when you can,’ his therapist had told him. He unlocks his phone.

**Atsumu:** we play soon!  ٩(•̤̀ᵕ•̤́๑)

**Sakusa:** I know. Are you nervous?

**Atsumu:** No? Lol.

**Atsumu:** Attachment: 1 Image

Sakusa laughs at the screen, it’s a selfie of Atsumu with his brother. It was supposed to be, anyways, but Osamu is about to shove Atsumu down and he’s mid-scream.

**Sakusa:** get a service ace for me 

**Atsumu:** I wish you could come see it in person 

**Atsumu:** I know I just saw you, but I miss you already! Nationals is too far away </3 

Sakusa rolls his eyes, smiling as he responds, ignoring Komori’s slack-jawed expression. “Who the hell are you texting like that?” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Sakusa says back bluntly. “Don’t touch my phone.” 

**Atsumu:** omiiiii

**Atsumu:** omi omi omi omi omi omi 

**Sakusa:** what

**Atsumu:** what’re you doing, huh? Aren’t you normally at home by now?

“Are you texting  _ Atsumu Miya _ ?” Komori looks at him with wonder. “Kiyoomi...do you have a-”

“Don’t say it!” Sakusa hisses, face red. “Don’t say it. It’s nothing.” 

“Dude, you have it so bad! I thought it was weird we were going to watch him play!” Komori laughs, grinning at Kiyoomi like he won the lottery. “I knew you were close! When he texted me about the hospital, he seemed so mad...he didn’t know I was your cousin! Did you…was he  _ jealous _ ! Oh god, this is so funny!” 

“Stop! Komori, I’m going to lysol you in your  _ sleep _ ! Komori! Stop laughing!” Kiyoomi scowls, checking his phone after many notifications. 

**Atsumu:** sakusa????????? 

**Sakusa:** sorry, komori is being impossible

**Atsumu:** oh I get that! Samu is always impossible (^^)

**Sakusa:** you’re impossible so it’s only fair

**Atsumu:** you think I’m funny though 

**Sakusa:** yeah, among other things

Komori gets bored of pestering him, distracted by a game on his phone. The train finally stops, and Sakusa tugs anxiously on the ends of his sweater’s sleeves. It’s one of his favorite shirts, comfortable and dark blue, loose on his broad shoulders. “C’mon lover boy, let’s get to your boyfriend’s game.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Sakusa grumbles, but he can’t ignore the way his cheeks heat up. 

“Not yet!” Komori cheers, holding onto Sakusa through the crowds. “C’mon, we don’t wanna miss the first whistle.” Sakusa doesn’t mind it as much when Komori pulls him along, he prefers it to acknowledging how many people were around him anyways. “He better be good to you,” Komori says after a while. To most people, it might sound passive, but the threat was pretty obvious to Kiyoomi. 

“He’s fine,” Kiyoomi mutters, head looking up as they approach the high school in question. “I uh...he’s really good to me. Or whatever.”

“Ah! Kiyoomi talking about his  _ feelings _ !” Komori turns to look at him, a genuine smile lighting up his face. “I cannot wait to be the best man at your wedding.” 

“Shut up! What is wrong with you?” Kiyoomi sputters, cheeks turning a brilliant shade of red.  _ Am I dying? Do I have a fever? There’s something wrong _ . Kiyoomi corrects himself in his head.  _ No, I’m just excited. _ “I don’t want to distract them, do you think I’ll distract them?” 

“There’s literally not one thing Atsumu likes better than attention,” Komori notes, “And your attention, especially. I think you’ll make his whole year.” Kiyoomi turns away, walking into the bleachers at the gym with a huff. He forgets that he’s nervous when he hears the tell-tale sounds of volleyball anyways, the smell of the gym always comforts him, but he can’t forget enough to not clean off the seats. That’s fine though, he didn’t mind the monotonous wiping down of surfaces, and if it was only one time, it wasn’t  _ too _ big of a deal. When he finishes, he manages to tear his gaze away from the ground and onto the court, where his heart stutters from the impact of seeing Atsumu focused on warming up. He always looked so in control when he played, it comforted Kiyoomi who spent so long begging the universe to make him feel like he had some kind of power over himself. 

Atsumu doesn’t notice Kiyoomi for an embarrassingly long time, and Komori seems more offended by it than he is. “He has a hard time focusing on more than one thing,” Kiyoomi explains. It’s why he sometimes derailed conversations or interrupted people mid-sentence. Atsumu never really minded coming off as rude, but Sakusa secretly liked listening to him talk. He liked when they were up too-late, whispering over the phone about whatever Atsumu had on his mind while Kiyoomi drifted off. Those were the nights he slept best. Suna seems to figure out he’s there first during a time-out, covering his mouth (he was definitely laughing, that asshole). Sakusa wonders idly if he’s going to point it out or let Atsumu figure it out on his own.

Suna gently nudges Osamu and gestures up to where Kiyoomi is, where he waves shyly, and Osamu waves back. That gets Atsumu’s attention, and somehow, even though that’s the whole reason he’s here, Kiyoomi’s cheeks heat up at the sudden realization that Atsumu would know he was watching. Atsumu claps Osamu on the back of the head, shrinking under an intense gaze from their captain. Kiyoomi can hear them arguing from here though, but he can’t quite make out what they’re saying to each other. Osamu shoves Atsumu away from him and Atsumu spins around to get a look at whatever was distracting his brother. His eyes land on Kiyoomi and he blinks several times before he yells “Holy  _ shit _ !” and it starts another round of argument. Atsumu seems much happier though, vibrating with excitement, and he keeps looking over to see where Kiyoomi is as if he can’t believe he’d come. 

Atsumu plays amazing, unsurprisingly to most, but Kiyoomi doesn’t miss that it’s a great game from every standpoint. Inarizaki demolishes the team without a doubt, winning two sets in a row with a pretty decent point margin. Atsumu grins up at Kiyoomi in the stands, giving him two thumbs up, and tries to bound over to him before another member of his team (Aran, he’s pretty sure), drags him back to say their thanks. Kiyoomi laughs, rolls his eyes, and stands up with Komori who’s going off about a play he thought they should try while Kiyoomi half-listens and half-anticipates getting to see Atsumu. “Are you even listening, Kiyoomi?” Komori laughs at his scowl in response, waiting outside the gym with him. “You’re hopeless, you know. And whipped. To someone you’re not even  _ dating _ -”

“I am not  _ whipped _ !” Kiyoomi hisses in response, crossing his arms and turning away. “I’m just...being supportive!” Komori hums his response, leaning against the wall. “People who are whipped do whatever the other person asks them to do, and I do  _ not _ -”

“Omi!” Atsumu rushes out of the locker room to greet him, he can tell that Atsumu showered because his hair is still wet, and he smells good. He bounds up to him, completely ignoring Komori, and pauses for a second. “...can I have a hug?” Kiyoomi silently curses Komori in his head, nodding hesitantly. That’s all Atsumu needs because he launches himself into Kiyoomi’s arms, laughing into the space between his neck and his shoulder, and relaxing when Kiyoomi wraps his body around him. “You didn’t tell me you were coming!” 

“Whipped,” Komori coughs into his hand, moving to talk to Osamu and Suna. 

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” Kiyoomi mutters, looking down to hide his blush as Atsumu reluctantly lets him go. “I was...you played really well.”

“Well, duh,” Atsumu rolls his eyes, “Thanks for letting me hug you, Omi-kun. You spoil me!” Kiyoomi bites the inside of his lip, shrugging stiffly. “You know...I have off school for the weekend. We could do something? I could take the train with you...or you could stay here! Samu might be mad though...but I guess I could make him stay with Suna...I’d have to ask Mom…” Atsumu trails off, and Kiyoomi looks at Osamu helplessly. 

“Oi! Tsumu! Stop being a freak, would you? Mom’s coming here now anyways,” Atsumu perked up at that, holding his hand out for Kiyoomi to take and tugging him when he does. 

“Wait, Atsumu-” He tries to get out.

“Mom! This is Sakusa, remember?” Atsumu introduces him with a smile, a lot more genuine than the ones Kiyoomi has seen him use before. He liked that those smiles were usually for him. 

“The boy you’re always talking on the phone with? Yes, of course, I remember, you drive your brother crazy with that,” she shakes her head. She’s wearing scrubs, Kiyoomi remembers Atsumu telling him she was a nurse.  _ Has she washed her hands? Is she clean? What if she wants to shake my hand?  _ His brain had a hard time talking him out of touching Atsumu, after training camp made him one of Kiyoomi’s ‘safe people’. Atsumu notices his discomfort and rubs his thumb over Sakusa’s hand gently. “It’s nice to meet you, Sakusa. It’s very kind of you to come watch Atsumu play, I hope he didn’t blackmail you-”

“Mom!” Atsumu whines, “Omi came all by himself! Just for me!” 

“He’s my friend too, dickhead!” Osamu shouts from nearby. 

“He likes me better!” Atsumu yells back. His mother laughs, rolling her eyes as they argue in the hallway. Kiyoomi bets she’s used to it by now. 

“We’d be glad to host you, Sakusa,” She seems much warmer than his parents ever were. Even now, when they were trying to be better, they were still kind of cold. “If that’s alright with your guardians.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” Sakusa says politely. “I will call my mother and ask now.” 

“How did Atsumu manage to drag in such a polite child,” She muses as Sakusa dials the number on his phone. His cheeks heat up at that, and he listens for the ringtone. 

“Hello, Kiyoomi? How was your friend’s game?” His mother asks idly. 

“It was good. They won,” He clears his throat. “Um, mother, I was wondering if-”

“You can stay over there, love. Or bring him here. Whichever you’d prefer,” She interrupts him. “Sorry, I’m getting my nails done and, I love you, but you do pause when you get nervous.” 

“Oh...uh thank you, mother,” Sakusa sighs, partially in relief and partially in agitation. He didn’t know if he wanted the safety of his clean house or to put off Atsumu meeting his family. He chose the latter. “I’ll be home tomorrow then.” 

“Alright, dear! Text me goodnight!” She hangs up promptly, and Kiyoomi puts his phone down to tell Atsumu’s mother that she was alright with him staying over. 

“Omi! You got her to say yes?” Atsumu’s eyes glinted with adoration, abandoning the argument with his brother to latch onto Kiyoomi’s arm. “Let’s go-”

“I have to say goodbye to Komori, Miya, wait a second,” Kiyoomi grumbles, rolling his eyes. Komori waves him off, winking and making a whip gesture with his hand. “Be safe, Komori.” Sakusa grunts, letting himself get dragged away. 

“Samu, go stay over at Suna’s house,” Atsumu already starts to say.

“Fuck you, I’ll stay where I want,” Osamu answers, scowling. 

“He’s staying over at my house,” Suna interrupts, head buried in his phone. Osamu sputters indignantly, following Suna to a different car as Sakusa gets dragged by Atsumu towards what he assumes is the Miya’s minivan. 

“You can borrow my clothes, Omi-Omi,” Atsumu tells him, buckling up and wiping down the seat and seatbelt so that Sakusa can do the same. “I’ll wash them and dry them in front of you, if that’s better! Mom is totally a clean-freak, so all our stuff is always washed.”

His mother snorts from the front seat. “Yes, I do like things clean. You got  _ awfully _ better at that, after you started talking to Sakusa, didn’t you Atsumu?”

“Mom, stop saying weird stuff,” Atsumu mutters back, looking away. Sakusa hadn’t thought ahead to clothes. Or anything really. Atsumu had that effect on him. So much so that their hands were laced together in the middle of the seats. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading everyone ! if you enjoyed leave a kudos and a comment! 
> 
> you can also find me on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/normalfault1)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! this is the last chapter and my first finished fic of 2021 (yay)
> 
> special shoutout to sakuatsu in general lol. this chapter is pretty cheezy, but they deserve it I think

Sakusa showers in Atsumu’s bathroom - it’s small but surprisingly clean and cozy. Atsumu’s shampoo smells good, it reminds Sakusa of him in a comforting way that seeps into his bones. When he gets out of the shower, Atsumu is sitting on the ground, texting someone rapidly. He’s biting his lip in focus, eyes scanning over what he’s reading as he scoffs. He looks up to greet Sakusa, whose hair is wet and is in some of Atsumu’s oversized clothes. Despite Sakusa being bigger than him, Atsumu seems to keep too-big sweatshirts and sweatpants around because he found them more comfortable. 

“Your hair looks so different wet!” Atsumu says, voice dripping in awe. It makes Sakusa blush, shrugging his shoulders and shaking his curls out. “Can I touch it?” 

“You’re so weird,” Sakusa answers, but that sounds so nice. Whenever his mother would brush out his curls, she was quick and to the point, he never understood the appeal.

“That’s not a no! C’mere,” Atsumu pats the spot between his legs and Sakusa feels his flush move to his ears. “Come  _ on _ , Omi! I don’t bite.” Kiyoomi frowns at that, but he complies, sitting himself between Atsumu’s thighs and stiffly facing the opposite wall. “Relax, Omi-Omi. We’re all good here! You gotta lean down though, I’m not as tall as you.”

“I know that, Miya,” Kiyoomi snaps back, yelping when Atsumu tugs him down. “Hey!” Atsumu was definitely rolling his eyes but his fingers run through Kiyoomi’s hair regardless. He sighs into the touch, eyes closing and leaning back. 

“You’re like a giant puppy,” Atsumu teases, leaning back against the bed to support himself. “I thought you’d be like...not touchy at all. But you're always so close to me.”

“I trust you,” Kiyoomi answers, tongue loosened by proximity and exhaustion. “Some people are clean and some people are dirty. Most people are dirty.” He hoped that made sense, he wasn’t sure it would. 

“You can touch me without...ya know,” Atsumu translates, and Kiyoomi nods. It’s late, he’s very well aware of this as his eyes struggle to stay open, surrounded by warmth and a heartbeat and hands tangled into his curls. “Hey Omi?” 

“Mhm…?” He murmurs. He was so close to falling asleep, why did Atsumu have to choose now to have a conversation? Maybe he had gotten uncomfortable? 

“I really like you,” Atsumu whispers. “Like...a lot. I like you so much. It’s scary. What if you don’t like me? I can’t do anything halfway, so it’s only been you for so long and-”

Sakusa’s face burns, but he’s grateful. God, yes, of course he  _ liked _ him! Atsumu was...infuriating but in such a fantastic way. Kiyoomi wanted to see him at his worst and have him at his best. That, and Kiyoomi would never be able to admit it himself. Atsumu saw him at one of the worst moments of his life and still wanted to talk to him, tried to accommodate for anything he might need. “Miya-” he starts to say, but is cut off. 

“I dunno. I figured you didn’t like me back or whatever. We’re best friends, and I didn’t want to ruin that but I can’t help it. I want all of you, I’ve never settled before in my life,” Atsumu continues. Kiyoomi turns around to face him, squishing his cheeks together to shut him up. 

“You’re an idiot,” He says bluntly. Atsumu is about to protest, but Kiyoomi presses a chaste kiss to his forehead. “Of course I like you. Why else would I be here? Why else would I let you do this?” He’s not sure if that was ok, and his brain is going off in a thousand directions.  _ He didn’t want that, go home, move away- _

“For real? You’re not just fucking with me, are you?” Atsumu asks, voice muffled from Kiyoomi’s soft grip on his face. Kiyoomi lets go, looking away as his thoughts diminish. 

“I wouldn’t fuck around with that,” Kiyoomi mutters in response. “What type of person do you think I am? That would be so awful-”

“Please let me kiss you,” Atsumu guides Kiyoomi’s chin back to face him, eyes vulnerable and open. What a lovely color, Kiyoomi thought idly. “Obviously, we don’t  _ have  _ to, whatever you're comfortable with. I understand if maybe it’s too much too fast.”

“Ok,” Kiyoomi answers. They’re cross legged and facing each other, both of them are blushing, it’s definitely not his smoothest moment. Atsumu laughs airily, obviously nervous. 

“Should I put on chapstick first? I just brushed my teeth,” Atsumu is definitely going to drawl on if Kiyoomi lets him, he was at the receiving end of many of Atsumu’s nervous rambles. Kiyoomi turns to press a chaste kiss to the hand against his cheek. “Oh my god. You’re so perfect. How am I supposed to top this?” 

“You could start by kissing me?” Kiyoomi rolls his eyes. “Miya, just do it!”

“You do it!” He counters. Now? Atsumu was choosing now to argue?

“You said you would!” Kiyoomi shoots back. 

“Fine! I will!” Atsumu grabs Kiyoomi’s face in both hands and is just about to press their lips together when the door slams open and both of them shoot back. 

“Ew! Were you making out?!” Osamu pretends to wretch. “I  _ live  _ here!” 

“You’re supposed to be at Suna’s!” Atsumu shouts back, eyes narrowing. “What the fuck? Why are you back?” 

“I forgot my phone charger,” Osamu says easily, rummaging through his drawers. 

“Couldn’t you borrow one?!” Atsumu hisses, crossing his arm. “You’re just being  _ nosy _ ! Get out!” 

“Fine, fine, don’t get your panties in a twist,” Osamu grins, saluting them and winking before leaving the room. 

“I’m sorry,” Atsumu immediately says, getting up to close the door and sitting down on his bed with a huff. “Samu always ruins the mood.” 

“The mood of you not kissing me?” Kiyoomi smiles slightly at Atsumu’s sputtering, who holds a pillow to his chest and buries his head in it. Atsumu pats the spot next to him without looking up and Kiyoomi climbs next to him on the bunk bed. He feels ridiculous, being so large and sitting on a twin-sized mattress with another big athlete. Atsumu keeps the pillow over his face and Kiyoomi sighs, pulling at it. Atsumu uses the momentum to tackle him down and press both his hands on either side of Kiyoomi’s face, grinning at him. “Was that planned?”

“I dunno,” Atsumu breathes, air blowing against his ear. “Was it?” Kiyoomi stares up, suddenly aware of all the places they're touching and how he isn’t even worried about it (what a wondrous feeling, his mind letting him do this). Finally, Atsumu’s lips meet Kiyoomi’s in the softest of ways, and Kiyoomi is shocked for a second before melting into the touch, wrapping his arms over Atsumu’s shoulders. They part, breathing fast, Atsumu’s eyes wide and Sakusa’s heart going a mile a minute. The door slams open again, and Atsumu doesn’t move as Osamu barges in. 

“Oh, gross, Sakusa I dunno how you’re even capable of that,” Osamu mutters.  _ Was it gross? Was it dirty? The bed, the bed, the bed, the bed-  _ His panic must seem obvious because Atsumu shoots Osamu a glare before smiling reassuringly down at him. 

“He was kidding, everything’s all clean Omi,” Atsumu murmurs, kissing his temple. 

“Oh, shit, my bad,” Osamu immediately clears his throat. He seems genuinely sorry, so Kiyoomi isn’t too upset. “I didn’t mean that Sakusa. I promise Tsumu is clean, he’s just weird.” 

Kiyoomi laughs at that, breathing out a sigh of relief.  _ Atsumu is safe, safe, safe, safe _ . His brain repeats the thought over and over and he leans into it. It would definitely need to be worked on, the idea of only one person being safe wasn’t exactly ideal but it was better. “Sorry, I needed one more thing, Rin lost his sweatshirt so he wants mine.” 

“Yeah, that’s why he wants it,” Atsumu shoots back, grinning at Samu’s scowl. “You can’t steal mine when he inevitably doesn’t give it up.”

“You’re on top of Sakusa right now, shut the fuck up,” He slams the door again and Kiyoomi raises an eyebrow. 

“You could’ve gotten off of me,” he murmurs, he yawns and Atsumu collapses on top of him - Kiyoomi lets out an oof, shoving Atsumu on the other side of the bed and staring at the top of the bottom bunk. “‘M tired,” Kiyoomi curls up on his side and watches as Atsumu drapes the comforter over the both of them. 

“Me too, I played a full game, you know,” Atsumu whispers back, he turns around to face Kiyoomi, moving closer and pressing his forehead into Kiyoomi’s chest. “I’m really happy you like me back.”

“I’m happy you like me back too,” Kiyoomi can’t see much in the dark, but he imagines Atsumu’s eyelashes pressed lightly against his cheeks. “Are we dating?” 

“Yeah, duh,” Atsumu answers easily. Sakusa is about to protest but Atsumu snuggles deeper into him. “God, you’re so comfy. I’m never moving. Goodnight, Omi.”

“Goodnight Tsumu,” Kiyoomi closes his eyes, missing the way Atsumu’s eyes open at the nickname as he drifts off, dreaming of service aces and stolen kisses. 

\---

When he wakes up, he hears whispered arguing above his head. He burrows his face into his pillow, breathing in and murmuring for them to shut up because he was still sleeping. Someone laughs at that, and Kiyoomi opens his eyes blearily to glare at what was forcing him awake. During the middle of the night, Kiyoomi guesses they shifted so that Kiyoomi had both his hands wrapped around Atsumu’s torso with his face buried into his chest. Atsumu’s leg is gently draped over Kiyoomi’s side. “Morning,” Atsumu smiles down at him and then turns to glare at the person behind them. “Samu, get your boyfriend to go away.”

“Not until I send all these pictures to the team,” Suna says definitively. “And Komori. He asked.” Kiyoomi groans and sits up, hair flying all over himself as he glares at them. “Scary,” Suna snorts. “You can’t intimidate me Sakusa. We shared a ward room and they took the door off our bathroom. I’ve seen about everything I needed and more.” 

“Shut up,” Sakusa grumbles out, “I’m still tired. What time is it?” 

“It’s 9AM,” Osamu offers usefully. 

“Too early. Go away,” Kiyoomi lies back down and drags Atsumu down with him. Atsumu yelps, letting himself be manhandled into a cuddling position where Sakusa clings to him like a teddy bear. 

“You heard him,” Atsumu says, muffled into Sakusa’s shirt. “We’ll be out in an hour.” Kiyoomi breathes out in relief when they leave, giving Atsumu a squeeze and kissing the crown of his head. “So sweet in the mornings, Omi,” Atsumu teases, but he’s breathless, so it comes out more in awe than anything. “So sweet always if I’m being honest.”

“Only with you,” He murmurs back. 

“Only with you,” Atsumu agrees. 

\---

On the train ride back, Kiyoomi hears all about how Atsumu’s team teased him relentlessly about his new boyfriend. Atsumu says they’re just jealous, and Kiyoomi actually thinks he means it. 

Late at night, Sakusa listens to Atsumu ramble on about his day. He feels clean. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, i hope the ending wasn't too unsatsifying. i love comments and kudos, so leave them if you like! 
> 
> you can find me on twitter @normalfault1 ! stop by, I love to chat.

**Author's Note:**

> leave comments and kudos if you like!


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